dear friends,
Thanks for all your cards and emails and notes. If you do not hear from me - I am pretty zapped out and find writing exhausting. But will be in touch eventually. xxx

All I have done is sit around feeling very much the worse for wear - just about able to totter at snail's pace around the flat. And do some very powerful sleeping.

I did get into Ipswich hospital - (a bed came available) - in ice and cold on Monday evening - ready for the chemo on Tuesday.

Tuesday - a heavy day. The complex infusions started mid afternoon and ended at half-past midnight. The morning a nightmare of wondering whether it would happen and being seen by various (helpful)  people. For example - a palliative care doctor. Exhausting. The afternoon and evening - a nightmare of boredom and exhaustion, especially as the machine that handles it appeared to malfunction - in fact it was the cannula - adding an extra 2 hours to the 7 that it takes in theory.

Today - I was released in the afternoon - after various tests. Good (if somewhat exhausting) to be home.

I have felt actually ill for over a week and since my visit to the caravan cafe last week I  have not been able to go out at all.

Add to that - I have yet to get chemotherapy (which involves an overnight stay) because there are no beds in the ward. I was hyped up yesterday for getting in and spent an unhappy day here instead - one of the darkest I have had. It seems as if it might take some time for a bed to be availabe - I guess I am in a queue - and meantime I still feel ill.

View the other way - from the caravan cafe.

Just managed to make it here today - with Rhoda - in bright sunshine. But very cold - and hardly makes one want to live aboard a boat. I did not overdo it for once!

The caravan cafe at the quayside - the white one. There are a lot of 'live on' boats - some smarter than others.

This is where I sometimes have lunch - it is a short walk from the flat but sometimes feels a long way.  Today - it was too cold to sit outside. I was zapped again when I got back - but I did overdo it by trying to walk too far. Groan.

I saw the oncology consultant on Thursday.

There is no easy way to say this - it is easier to write about the nice things in life. I am in the valley of the shadow of death again, having lived in the sunny uplands (and some of them very sunny) for so long that I have perhaps forgotten the shadow.

The cancer is growing again, maybe not unexpected although the implications have not sunk in yet - and we do not have enough information to know where it will go. I have not taken cancer meditation for some time and  I cannot continue with the wonder-drug (Tarceva) on which I did pretty well for well over a year. I am to get another lot of chemo (combined peretrexed and cisplatin). The side effects are a lot harder than the chemo I have had in the last couple of years. I have to go into the oncology ward to get the treatment and then stay overnight, getting out the next day, all being well. This starts next Sunday.

 Dear friends - thanks for your support and communications - they comfort me beyond what I can express.

Appendix

Look back to around Sept 2009 for earlier references to the valley. It comes from:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff comfort me.

River Deben Nessie?

Seen on River Deben at luchtime - why should Scotland have all the monsters?

And then a dip for the last two days - I did totter very slowly to Costa on Saturday and the caravan cafe today. Then I did nothing. Very boring - and I have had enough of it!

It does seem that the big downers of this week were indeed due to coming off the last few mg of steriod too quickly. It can play havoc with the metabolism! I now have some more with instructions to take a low dose for two weeks - then review further reductions.
I feel a lot better today - although not back to where I was last week.

No pictures to illustrate this - - - I am feeling pretty zapped out - - - which is why no-one has had any communication from me.

And not due to driving around too much. I have spent a bit of time surfing around for the side effects of coming off steroids. To cut a lot of detail - I think I have mild withdrawal effects - mainly extreme fatigue, thirst and the ability to sleep for hours. So am holing up again and trying not to do anything stressful. Made easier by horrible weather. I intend to bounce back - - - .

Winter woodland from my (parked) car.

My car would not start a couple of weeks ago. Today - I felt I had the energy to ring the AA and get the battery (new in October) checked and charged. As part of the re-charging, I went a short ride out towards Orford, through lots of winter woodland. Even if I do not use it much - it is essential part of life - so well done AA and me.

I was pretty tired when I got back and have done nothing much since - -

Weeks go past - - fast.
Several days at the beginning of the week where I managed to totter up to the coffee shops in the Thoroughfare and had my eye on the river path and taking some pictures. I also did a bit of geology reading and was picking up a few strands of life.

But for a couple of days I have not been getting better at the same rate - and have felt too feeble to have the energy to do much - even emails. I think this is due to reduction in the dose of steroids I am taking, as it co-incides with when I started on a lower dose.  Frustrating - - - .

The new water wheel for the Tidemill - and the crane: November 2011

I have been out of the flat several times this week - marking continued (if somewhat slow) progress. I take very short and shakey walks - it is surprising how unfit one gets after a few weeks without much activity. I have yet to get as far as the Tidemill - but made it to the coffee shops in the main thoroughfare yesterday - and the first espresso for two months.

The Tidemill is being renovated and the new wheel was built on-site and lowered into place. I missed the actual craning bit. There will be a very small mill pond and we hope they will grind wheat for us to buy for bread - eventually.

Surf on Long Sands, Tynemout h - 2009. A metaphor.

Happy New Year to you all

And thanks again for reading my blog and for your various comments and emails - I really appreciate them.

The picture - this is a metaphor for us entering the rough waters of the year ahead. Not without excitement and fun - we hope.

Across the car park, boats and railway to the river

A view from my window - I have to lean out and use the telephoto lens - but even so - I can at least know if the tide is out. And in the other direction - lots of large logs seem to have washed down river looking a bit like Loch Ness (or rather Deben) monsters. Woodbridge busy with people walking around.

Back to proper blogs with pictures.

What I had

I had pneumonia - which is a rather catch-all term. I may have had it for some time as I had not been well for a couple of weeks.

It all got worse - I breathed in part of a calcium tablet on Sunday (20th Nov). I did eventually ring 999 on Monday morning (21st - about 4-00 am) because I could not breath.

I was treated for aspiration pneumonia - which is an inflammation of lungs and airways due to breathing in foreign material. I was treated with high flow oxygen support, antibiotcs and steriods. I felt out of it and my memory of the first week is hazy, even if I spoke and wrote letters! Treatment was gentle and I very slowly improved. I think I came very close to death - it felt so and several people hinted as much  - - - .

Eventually I went into a normal ward and gradually got weaned off the oxygen support and each day got a small bit better. But I was in hospital for nearly five weeks. I think I left on the right day as I could just function OK at home.

I am now at home. I am reducing the dose of steriod very gradually. I think the recovery period is going to be long - months even. The worse you get with pneumonia - the longer it takes - apparently. Until now I have sat around, had a lot of sleep and managed to eat nice food. Getting netbook back on line is an improvement - I am watching for the onset of boredom.

Lots of proper sleep and lots of peace, quiet and food seem to be doing good. Each day is slightly better. I am warned that recovery is a long process.

Sunrise over the Deben into my living room this morning.

I am now home - feeling feak and weeble but better for proper sleep and a lot of peace and quiet.

So this just to thank everyone for cards, letters, comments, contacts, good thoughts and much else -

Will post again soon - still not even thinking to looking at email!

hooray for life
XXXXX

Lorna is getting better

Just a quick note to say Lorna is on the mend and will be returning soon...

- Posted by Rhoda

Another 999 Ambulance

In Ipswich hospital - lung infection
Pretty zonked out
Will be in touch as usual when I have the strength

Posted by Rhoda on behalf of Lorna (who will hopefully soon be well enough to return herself and would love to receive cards or letters but no visitors yet)

DYC summer evening trophy - May/June 2011

I won this in slow handicap fleet.
I am not sure how - probably by turning up for most of the races and getting two good results.
The good thing is that I very much enjoyed the racing so the cup is an extra nice thing.
Very pleasing - in a bitter-sweet sort of way. Like - am I going to have the energy ever again?

The winter is closing in with gloomy weather. A somewhat trying week in which I have not done much and only just managed to keep gloom and boredom at bay. I have not been anywhere other than the river wall and Woodbridge shops. I have not done much - a bit of geology reading -  painted a bit of the sailing club lockers - a bit of work on the U3A website - a start on a French course - visits to the gym. I am even trying to clear up some of the junk in my house - always a bad sign - - - .

St Katherine's Dock, London

Another day - another marina.
I lived about a mile away when I was a post-grad student and walked around here then and many times since. I had hoped to sail in - but I think this an impractical plan even before I sold the Southerly. Today - lunch overlooking this basin - and I saw a kestrel over the moat of the Tower of London - a very nice day.

Keeping the sea back  - work at Thorpness

The big bags get lifted and piled along at the top of the beach to stop the waves undermining the houses and the cliffs.

I like the rough waves breaking on the gravel shore - probably the end of the autumnal sun and frequent trips out to the coast.

The cliff view last week - I took the other one from the railing to the middle left.

Minsmere nature reserve - I went by car so did not get this view

Saturday - Lorna goes to Minsmere. Typically I found more geology than birds - on the beach and near the entrance (bottom right of picture). Needless to say - drank a lot of tea and was exhausted when I got back.

the City from London Liverpool Street station entrance

Thursday: The combination of old and new caught my eye. Had lunch with Rhoda and then wandered round a market and some shops. Bought lots of thermals and drank specialist oolong tea.

Work party

Tuesdays - the winter work party at the sailing club meets every week - much activity to keep the club huse, pontoons, boat yard etc in good order. My role here - looking after a club boat, doing clearups in the boat yard (with bonfire) and painting things. That is the work. There is also the party - tea and coffee -  this week we  had lunch as well. Perhaps not surprising that I was washed out in the afternoon.

The sea at Thorpness - powerful waves

Went there yesterday and walked the beach and went rowing on the meare.

Went there today to take pictures of some rocks in the cliffs.

Bright sunshine, warmer wind today and rather a lot of tea and food in the meare cafe.

Thorpness meare - a man-made lake

Another fine place - rowing boats for hire, with loos and tea room all within a few meters of each other. The car park and beach not far away.

I have now taken the anti-coagulent for some weeks and assume it has done the trick as I am no longer breathless. But I don't feel as well as I did before the clots developed. It maybe that it won't get any better or it maybe that a bit more rehabilitation is needed. Either way - one way ahead is to have little treats - today's was to go to Aldburgh and investigate Thorpness (after a regular gym session). Helped by bright sunshine and thick clothes against the cold wind.

Sunday on Lookfar

It is more untidy than the words 'grossing out' imply. I spent most of the day, after going to the gym, here in the sun. I did take the large headsail off and replace it with a smaller one - eventually.

Fossil shells in a bit of Red Crag from Sutton Knoll

The picture does not relate to this post - except that I am trying to get my head round some geology for a meeting of the U3A geology group on Monday.

The side-effect of the flu jab seems to have worn off.

The tide was right and the sun was out all day - and there was a decent wind. So I motored upwind and uptide - turned round and sailed back with minimal effort using just the furling genoa. The tide is a bit late tomorrow so I may not repeat this. I have got spoiled by sailing so much in warmth and sunshine.

It is supposed to be autumn - and in some ways it is. But most of the trees still have their leaves apart from horse chestnuts that shrivelled in the dry weather earlier in the year and have now let their leaves go.

Signs of autumn in the way I live as well - start of the working party at the sailing club - regular meetings of the geology group. I have spent a bit of time writing the introduction (with lots of pictures) for the next meeting.This is a screen shot of a graph of extinctions - I don't find this the most interesting thing about the permo-triassic period although this is a nice graph.

Wednesday - a flu jab. I have felt off colour since then and I only figured out that it might be due to a side-effect of the jab. So am off to bed. Intend to resist the autumn tomorrow by having a short sail on the river - in sunshine.

Sciadopitys verticillata. Sole member of the family Sciadopityaceae and genus Sciadopitys, a living fossil with no close relatives. These grew in Suffolk in Pliocene times - about 3 million years ago.

This is one of many trees planted in Rockhall Wood, Sutton - the plantation is of species that are known to have grown in Suffolk in Pliocene times.

Saturday - visited this wood and also outcrops of Corralline Crag and Red Crag at Sutton Knoll - so geology is starting up again with the usual bitterly cold wind experienced 'in the field'. Still re-habillitating inspite of said  wind and standing around for too long and getting tired.

The tidal mill pond to the tidemill. The plan seems to be to pump out the mud to deepen it so that it can be used again to grind grain - as part of the renovation of the tidemill. It seems to be a very slow business.

The weather is getting cloudy and windy. It is low tide during the day - so no sailing this week. Back to normal life.
The Plan is to do more writing, do more geology and go the gym for short workouts most days - and some boating when the tide and weather are right - as well as the usual domestic stuff, visiting beaches and keeping in touch with people. We will see - - -  the recent summer weather was good for physical and mental rehabilitation but - - .

The river - and the river wall - looking downstream at low water with the sailing club to the right. (Taken before the good weather  - thus the clouds!)

Yesterday - another day in the sun on the river. This time we left the boat on the sailing club pontoons overnight and went as soon as the tide was in enough to cover the gravel bank and float us off.

With a light wind we went downstream against the current with the motor on, had lunch and goose winged back with the tide. The river full of boats taking advantage of the hot weather.

And today - doing nothing much in the sun ashore.

The gravel bank  off Deben Yacht Club at low water

Each time I see the exposed bank - there is a curlew feeding there.  A question. Is it the same curlew every time?

Today - another hot and sunny time spent messing about in boats - not much sign of boredom,

Loder's Cut at half tide - the marshes are full of birds feeding on the goodies there.

Another fine day on the river - sunshine and a modest wind upstream - and an afternoon tide. The afternoon tide  is one of the highest of the year - and low water in the evening reaches chart datum according to my tide tables. Thus the tidal flow was more than usual - both ebb and flood and the marshes were all covered on my return making the rive look very wide - more like a lake.
Anchored a couple of miles downstream - at the Tips - for lunch and generally took it easy.

Across Loder's Cut - at high water - spring tide. You would not know that there are salt marshes a few cms under the surface - many-a-visitor has found out the hard way.

Another day on the river in the sunshine. Drank tea at the sailing club - lunch at anchor - coffee on the way back. It was a 'shake-down' - I tried out some new kit. Tomorrow - more of the same - different kit to try and the tide an hour later.

Just after high tide through Loder's Cut - you can only identify the Cut by a few sticks in the mud as the salt marshes are almost covered at high water - and completely covered at high water springs (Later this week).

I was going to write a diatribe about how rehabilitation is needed after health scares and set backs. But I thought this a better way to show that I am gradually getting more active. The fine weather encouraged a gentle expedition down the river for a couple of hours, punctuated by stops for coffee and then lunch. I intend to repeat the treatment whilst the good weather lasts - I may even pull up all the sails one day - if there is enough wind.

A snapdragon 24

I was tempted by this as it has standing head room and a loo. But it also needs more work than I have time or energy or money for doing. So I wisely and prudently decided not to go ahead.

This encapsulates what I have been doing for a few days - I crawled over it and made a long list - walked around and did worrying - as you do.

The anti-coagulant seems to be working - I am less breathless - but still feeling a bit feeble - too feeble to avoid temptation of exploring a boat.

egret

This one hangs out on the salt marsh next to the marina and is easily disturbed - I was hiding behind an old boat.

 

Lookfar on the Deben Yacht Club pontoons - moored to have lunch and to take on water.

A happy day - a couple of hours motoring on the river in calm and sunshine and feeling a lot better - barely breathless. I even spotted some egrets on the bank but could not get close incase I went aground.

Prior's Haven, Tynemouth sailing club and the North pier where the race finished. (taken in 2007)

Scammell Dash (a race from Tyne entrance to a yellow bouy off Whtley Bay)This is supposed to be sailed in lots of wind with lots of drama - or at least some fog!

It went ahead in light airs, with 9 boats. It was won by Jeremy Whiting sailing single handed in an Enterprise. The race was run by Neal Piper on the water. Sara and the kids finished boats from the pier between the four poles (to the right of the picture) and a buoy, but without a hooter - needing lots of loud cheers instead. I hate to think what the various fishermen and walkers made of it!

I had a bit of a plan to be around for it this year - but recent boring problems put it out of reach - so we can all cross fingers for next year. It would be fun - especially as you named the race after me.

Breathlessness and associated symptoms:

I had a CT scan on Friday. There are small clots in the blood vessels of my lungs which probably account for most of the recent distress and breathlessness. I was told immediately after the scan - and I also have the medication to start treating it (an anti-coagulant called Clexane, which I take for a couple of weeks. It is injected subcutaneously - which I do myself - pretty straightforward I am glad to say). I go to discuss the longer term treatments (if needed) next week.

I have calmed down a bit after this - but not immediately 'cured'.

 

The beach at Dunwich - Tuesday 6th Sept.

Wind, surf and lashing rain - exhilerating.
You can deduce that I have been out and about - with Aidan on Monday and Tuesday - via various tea shops and nice places. But I continue to feel drained and not really very well.

beach, rainbow and cloud; Shingle Street Monday 5th Sept

Another good beach and over-arching weather. A metaphor for my life.

Autumn fruits

Sadly they do not taste as good as they look. Probably the dry spring followed by wet summer.

The breathlessness and associated feelings continue to mar my life. I am trying to think of ways to rest more thoroughly so that I do not get screamingly frustrated when I cannot get things done.
And I am ever-grateful to you all for reading this and for the comments - they really do help. XX

Beach with tractor and a boat at Aldeburgh

Another excellent beach - and a town attached. I spent the afternoon there on Wednesday - good ice cream and coffee in the beach gardens. They really do launch fishing boats off the gravel beach.

Orford - looking downstream. The far bank is the inland side of Orford Ness.

I drove out to Orford yesterday (Friday), had lunch in the excellent tea rooms there and wandered along a few meters of the shoreline. The grey of the picture encapsulates my mood although it was good to see rain and clouds in a different place.