Friday, 30 October 2009

Visiting - -

17-30: I used to live here - it seems a long time ago and a long way away - - as does the rough North Sea. It has no relevance to this post - - .

There have been some improvements to my quality of life lately, indeed I sound quite cheerful in many of my posts - partly because I am quite cheerful to be still around. However - I am not 'cured' and no-one can really know how long I have and what my quality of life will be. I am now going walks (albeit quite short and gentle ones), playing with boats and using my bike to get around. I am not as energetic as the blog suggests - and the valley of the shadow of death has not gone - it is rather that I am able to get to the sunny uplands. So it is a bit of a mixture - especially after chemo-therapy - the killer chemicals knock out general well-being as well as the cancer cells - (a price worth paying by the way).

My usual survival strategies still apply - I need a lot of solitary time - time alone. I do not want the responsibility of visitors - I do not have the emotional or physical energy. I have agonised about writing this - I felt that I 'ought' to have visitors because they want to come - but I am going to follow my instincts and do solitude. I don't know how long this will last - we will see.

But - keep in touch by writing emails and letters - full of what someone called 'drivel' and what I call 'the trivia of every day life' (which I believe has great importance to the texture of life) - that way I keep in touch with you. I cannot say how much I appreciate emails and letters - they have kept me going and contributed hugely to my well-being - more than I can find words to say - except they keep me on the sunny uplands.

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