Aldeburgh beach in its natural form

By contrast - Aldeburgh beach looking to the left- the carnival

On Sunday - I spent a very good day at Aldeburgh. I was there early enough to get a parking space near the beach. I did it all - walked the full length to the sailing clubs, sat around on the beach, ate an ice cream, walked through the carnival and walked through the shops. I came home refreshed and a lot less gloom-laden than I was on Saturday.

I am 70. I bought a badge and scanned it at a wonky angle for better effect.

I was looking for one that said 'I am 70' but they don't seem to have them in Ipswich or Woodbridge - they don't even have them for children. Maybe they are not in the best of  taste. Anyway - I will wear it sometimes as some sort of gesture of survival.

I visited the consultant yesterday - no long waits nor any boredom. The conclusion - the blood tests still show some effect of toxicity but nothing to get excited about. There is no sign of the cancer doing anything nasty - or indeed anything at all. So the Plan is to keep off the killer-chemicals and keep an eye on how I am and feel. So no side effects for a while - yippee.

I am going to try not to worry about it all as there is nothing I can do except eat vegetables and generally live a healthy life. Oh - and make sure I do not ignore symptoms that I ought not to ignore.

So am also finding a few brain-things to do - from geology to figuring out how to upgrade the U3A website - interspersed with scanning my photos - hard work and needs a new scanner.

Striding Edge in the Lake District - a metaphor

I have walked this several times - years ago. It is a metaphor for how my life feels just now. I walk in the sunny uplands rather than in the valley of the shadow - but it is often a narrow path with steep sides - and things can go wrong. It is a very beautiful, if scary, walk along the Edge to Helvellyn - so the metaphor is quite a good one.

Today I feel as if I might slip off the sunny uplands. Yesterday I was due to have a maintenance dose of Pemetrexed as usual but this was aborted becuase the blood test results for kidney function were outside the limits. Some more blood tests showed that it was not due to high blood sugar or leaching of calcium from my bones - which is a good thing. It is probably due to toxicities building up from the chemotherapy - and so I am off the drug for a couple of weeks. This has the advantage of no side-effects - but I worry about whether the 'holiday' from the chemo will allow the cancer to grow again (although I am told it won't grow in that short time!) and also whether it is knackering important organs. Fret - fret - worry - worry - all rather pointless but understandable.

So I take active steps to do stuff - a long session in the gym and now off nurture Lookfar in sunshine (for once).

What I was trying to say yesterday is that there is some sort of paradox in the way I feel emotionally. As I get more able to do things - instead of feeling more optimistic - I feel more gloom - more anger - more despair.
Not so bad today (yet) - although I did want to gnash my teeth when I was out this morning.

Suffolk Punch horses in Woodbridge

Something different - and a magnificent contrast to normal vehicles (and boats) in Woodbridge .

Last week was difficult. I was more active than anticipated, so I thought I should be OK. But I have struggled to keep going in a positive sort of way and have not written to anyone. Side effects and the weather. Let us hope that next week works better.

Deck of Lookfar. The black lines are where I have decided to put new lines. The picture was taken at launch in 2011..

Lookfar is now next to the workshop in the marina, ready to be cleaned and have the anti-fouling done.  I was much cheered to see her there this morning, which has inspired me to figure out how to lead some of the lines back to the cockpit. The black lines show where the halliards will go from the bottom of the mast.

It was a bit tricky for two reasons. One is that I have some deck gear that I thought I might use but have not seen a way to fit it as it came from a much larger boat. The other is that there are some high points on the deck. But I have found some nice new gear (££££ obviously) which will fit easily. The cleats are represented by circles in the picture.

This means that I will be able to let the main sail down quickly as I approach moorings or the marina. All very encouraging.

Turnstones - next to the shelter along the river at high tide

Nothing much has happened this week - except that the fatigue has lifted. I still get tired and my muscles are out of condition, so I am walking short distances along the river and take every opportunity to stop to admire birds and boats. It has been too cold - but a small amount of sun entices me out anyway. I am also doing resistance training for a short time every day in the gym - to improve the muscles.

Lookfar - the mast and slot for the sail. And the edge of the marina across to yet another boatyard.

Wednesday: I had enough energy, after sausage and chips at lunchtime, to put in hand another change to the boat. This should make sail handling a lot easier. The idea is to install modern sliders to replace the bolt of rope that holds the sail in the track. The rope makes it hard to get up and harder to drop in a hurry. So I got some tracks from the sailmaker and figured out which to use. I then folded the sail and carried it to the sail loft (just down the road) - so the work is now in hand. The main snag appears to be that there is not (yet) a suitable fitting in the small  section of the mast where the sliders are fed in. Another task is to find one - hopefully without going to the chandler's (where I always spend more money than intended, even if I have a list!). So today I walked to the boat again in order to take a measurement and some pictures.

And from this you can see that I continue to get more active - and the change to sail handling is a statement about being up for it in the summer.

The back of the dinghy park - with the work party fettling the five Wayfarers recently aquired by the club.

What happens when I overdo it: On Tuesday - nice day and I felt an upsurge of energy. So - off to the gym for half an hour to improve muscles. Then the the sailing club for coffee and too much talking and walking around. Then I had lunch at home and walked up to the main shopping road to the bank and to have an iced tea in Costas. The result - I felt ill when I got home - as if I had flu. At least I went to bed early and slept for 12 hours.

So I won't be doing that again for a while. Today - coffe out in the sun - brief walk to marina - lunch out in the sun and then a lot more sitting in the sun along the river bank.

The start of the sailing season

On Sunday I made it to the sailing club to watch the first races of the season and to eat 'brunch' - mostly in sunshine. I also checked over my streaker and found it has survived the winter very well. Progress slightly slowed by overdoing it.

Various boats at the quay, Woodbridge

New and old boats moored at the quay - a few are lived on all the time, many are undergoing renovation and some are lived on intermittantly. More activity there since the sun came out.

Still far to go - - - but yesterday I managed to walk to the sailing club for a coffee with the work party and a quick look at my Streaker. This confirmed gradual improvement in my energy levels. I have started back at the gym - doing resistance training with the lightest weights - my muscle tone has deteriorated a lot. The picture was taken from the top of the railway crossing, showing I can get up the steps.

Downstream on Deben viewed from the shelter.

Really to show that the boats are mostly out of the water and the river looks open and uncluttered. I have sat here a few times - it is best in sunshine as today. I also continue to eat chips in the cafe and have stopped weight loss as a result. So slight improvements continue day by day - slowly.

Black headed gull trying to catch bread.

I sat and watched the tide come in for some time - as well as the antics of the gulls. Encouraged by sunshine with a cool wind - as well as a large lunch in the caravan cafe. I have also put my mind round some issues with the U3A website. So some slow improvement and at least in the right direction.

A barge is towed up-river.

I was around to snap this after lunch (chips in the caravan cafe).

The tree I see from my chair - and watch the blossom come out. Rehabilitation will be when I see less of it.

 Rehabilitation: It looks as if the prediction that the side effects would lessen after 11 days is right. I am less totalled out by fatigue today and yesterday than previously, although the improvement is slow. Good weather is also encouraging and I have tottered out for a while to find food and coffee. I am now trying to figure out a strategy for rehabilitation without overdoing it and getting exhausted.

Update: I went into Ipswich hospital to have the next lot of chemotherapy on Tuesday afternoon. It all went OK on Wednesday, although I got a bit short of sleep (as you do). The process is a bit trying as the infusion of various drugs and solutions takes 8 hours or so. It is immobilising but one can walk around with the drip machine - thank goodness  - as I am not good at sitting still. If there are side-effects they come later. Stayed in overnight on Wednesday as it was a late finish - so left this morning as soon as I could get out (after breakfast).

It seems to be working and I am due to go onto a different combination that does not require overnighters in hospital and is said to have fewer side effects - starts in about 4 weeks.

 I managed to sit out in the sun, overlooking the river, for a couple of hours - tee shirt and sun hat weather. So - let's hope the sun shines and the fatigue is just fatigue rather than life-zapping.

River Deben Nessie?

Seen on River Deben at luchtime - why should Scotland have all the monsters?

And then a dip for the last two days - I did totter very slowly to Costa on Saturday and the caravan cafe today. Then I did nothing. Very boring - and I have had enough of it!

It does seem that the big downers of this week were indeed due to coming off the last few mg of steriod too quickly. It can play havoc with the metabolism! I now have some more with instructions to take a low dose for two weeks - then review further reductions.
I feel a lot better today - although not back to where I was last week.

No pictures to illustrate this - - - I am feeling pretty zapped out - - - which is why no-one has had any communication from me.

And not due to driving around too much. I have spent a bit of time surfing around for the side effects of coming off steroids. To cut a lot of detail - I think I have mild withdrawal effects - mainly extreme fatigue, thirst and the ability to sleep for hours. So am holing up again and trying not to do anything stressful. Made easier by horrible weather. I intend to bounce back - - - .