Lorna on a stony beach - Southsea 1953

1950s: Proves I had a primitive camera

I am making slow progress with sorting out pictures partly because I have been out a lot in the good (and recently indifferent) weather. I have somewhat overdone the going out and rushing about, and have felt mildly washed out for a couple of days.

 And I went to bed too late on Friday - I was captivated by the weird (maybe because it was weird and rather fun) Olympic opening ceremony! And rather better misuses of history than a socialist / feminist might expect.

This week the Plan is to do indoor things and go the gym in preparation for the sailing club regatta next week. Nous voyons - - .

Me, my doll (Louise) and my mother on a beach - probably  Bournmouth - c.1946

1940's; a beach. I spent a lot of my childhood (when not being educated or otherwise transformed into an adult) on beaches. We moved to Southsea, which had a gravel beach like those in Suffolk. And I used to walk along the sea wall there just as I do here. And we went on holiday to various beaches in Devon and Cornwall, where we ran around in the sea and appreciated the sun (which always shone of course.)

I have done holiday stuff in sunshine this week. Two days on the beach and two days with boats. I sailed the dinghy for about an hour yesterday in modest wind. It feels safe to launch and play here without safety cover, a thing I would not have done on the North sea. I even managed to launch and recover without help through taking things very slowly.  I suppose I am getting used to the ramp although I do not launch and recover with much panache (yet). It has the advantage of a shorter distance to get the boat out of the water.

Felixstowe beach looking towards the Deben entrance. This is how summer should be - -

Summer - and two days on local beaches - Bawdsey and Felixstowe. Bawdsey was refreshingly cool as there was a sea breeze. Very little wind at Felixstowe and I walked from the here round to Felixstowe Ferry.

Today - heading off to Lookfar to sit in the sun yet again. The tides are wrong to get out on the river for long.

In a Laser with a radial sail, Tynemouth c. 2000. This picture was taken when it was deemed to windy to race.

2000s sailing: I still do 'sport' in some sense. This is the best action picture I have but since about 1982 until today I have enjoyed sailing and racing.

Yesterday I took out the Streaker in fairly windy conditions - mostly upwind so not much planing. In the river it is hard to just go for a good blast because there are moorings, cruisers motoring (who do not obey the collision regulations) and boats moored; there are also mud banks to go aground on.  So you cannot just set off in a straight line as I did in the picture. I also find the streaker does not plane as well as the Laser - but I think this is partly that I am not quite 'at one' with the boat yet. And also that the new hulls (mine is quite old) get on the plane earlier.

I have entered the Regatta in two weeks - I hope to do what I did last year - and sail the first race and then start the second but only finish if I am feeling well. The second start means I get a result for the race as well as practice starting.

You can gather from this that the 'holiday' from the chemotherapy is giving me back a bit of physical energy (before I run out of energy in the middle of the afternoon!). And I hope that I will also get back a bit of confidence. Being ill is a downer - not only through the physical effects of illness but through zapping the confidence to 'do' stuff. As I resolved some time ago - I am not planning to worry about it all going wrong - although obviously I do.

Today - the sun - intending to gross out in it on the beach - probably at Bawdsey.

Tennis team - c1957.  I am 3rd from the left and was captain. I played doubles with the girl to the left and spent a lot of time with her - and I have no idea where she went after we left school.

Hockey team - c1957. I am 2nd from the right holding a stick. I played in goal and was vice-captain.

1950s: at school: shows there was some sport - but not enough for me. And we do not look like ladies. We were allowed to play hockey against a boys' team at weekends as long as we did not 'fraternise'. (Not much chance of that dressed as we were - it must have terrified them. But I remember it as good fun and rather jolly.)

I also played badminton in the winter and in summer I went to the tennis club most nights so it is hardly surprising that I did not do a lot of homework; I even played in a tournament during A Levels - a different world.

I still sort-of do sport, having discovered dinghy racing in the 1980s - and I have been a frequent user  of various sailing clubs - in St Andrews, Tynemouth and now the Deben.I often go to the sailing club now - but not to the detriment of doing my homework! How strange and similar - I suppose going to the gym four times a week is part of a similar desire to be active, although it is not competative.

Lorna - September 1953. Setting off for my first day at girls grammer school. Note the weird uniform and shoes.

1950s: In Southsea: This is displaying a life-changing turn in my life. Going to grammar school in the 1950s opened doors that I did not appreciate at the time and that I took only after many hesitations, stops and starts. And perhaps it marked the end of a childhood in which I ran free and wore shorts or pretty dresses - in contrast to school uniform.

I look pretty pleased here but I was not happy at school, although looking back there were some good things (like the arguments we had about politics and radio programmes at lunchtime, where we sat in a dining room and served ourselves from serving dishes.)  I did not fit in to the school ethos - I did not want to conform and  so just seemed naughty and awkward. There was too much fuss about being 'ladylike', learning languages and wearing school uniform alongside too few facilities for games.

Launching off the East Sands - St Andrews, 1989. Good fun

This is how sailing should be - we were taught how to get over the surf - which was necessary there. A big contrast to launching down a ramp into a river.
This is not my boat - but I did launch there a lot in an OK and later in a Laser.

I have bought a photo scanner for doing the best bits from masses of old pictures. It also does slides and negatives.

I am 70. I bought a badge and scanned it at a wonky angle for better effect.

I was looking for one that said 'I am 70' but they don't seem to have them in Ipswich or Woodbridge - they don't even have them for children. Maybe they are not in the best of  taste. Anyway - I will wear it sometimes as some sort of gesture of survival.

I visited the consultant yesterday - no long waits nor any boredom. The conclusion - the blood tests still show some effect of toxicity but nothing to get excited about. There is no sign of the cancer doing anything nasty - or indeed anything at all. So the Plan is to keep off the killer-chemicals and keep an eye on how I am and feel. So no side effects for a while - yippee.

I am going to try not to worry about it all as there is nothing I can do except eat vegetables and generally live a healthy life. Oh - and make sure I do not ignore symptoms that I ought not to ignore.

So am also finding a few brain-things to do - from geology to figuring out how to upgrade the U3A website - interspersed with scanning my photos - hard work and needs a new scanner.

Lorna and brother - Roger - in the rock gardens, Southsea. About 1948

1940s: Roger was born in November 1947. I am not sure that this does either of us justice, but notice my dress. My mother was a dressmaker (so also 'good with her hands'). The smocking was all hand done, from gathering the material to doing the embroidery. I did learn how to make clothes and do embroidery from her - but rarely make such things now. But when I do make something, I get huge pleasure from it.
I also remember the shoes and the rock gardens.

Tower Bridge preparing to open. The olympic rings have already been lifted up to the pedestrian bridge.

 I think I have seen it open once before - not impressive as I lived down the road for a year or so from 1971. It had already opened 15 times today.

A large, well used barge comes upstream.

The bridge opens.

The barge goes through in a stately manner.

Seen today as Aidan and I had lunch by the river. We also noted that it could not go much further as London Bridge does not lift.

I walked back to Aldgate underground and I was able to walk a lot faster and further than previously due to lack of side effects and an increase in fitness.

On a beach - perhaps Bournmouth - with a boat.

1940s: I had to include this as it illustrates two of my life-passions - beaches and sailing (although I did not do sailing until I was about 40.). I think my father  made the boat - note the aluminium wheels - he often used aluminium for the things he made.

Me with Sid and a wonderful car.

1940s: He normally had a car around - usually a pre-war one which he spent a lot of time fettling. He also made a lot of things and was, as he used to say 'good with his hands' - a trait which my brother and I have inherited. I wish he had taught me about the inner workings of cars - but he probably thought it was not something girls did.

Me with Uncle John in my grandmother's garden

1940s: John is my mother's youngest brother - he now livies in Shrewsbury.

My father - Sid - with me. He was about 43 in the photos

1940s: I have one of him with me as a baby - but I have yet to find it.

I am planning to enter a few from each decade. I have spent a long time trying to sort out piles of old photos. It is surprisingly depressing, perhaps making one aware of lost opportunies - things not said -  teenage rebellions and the like.

In my grandmother's garden in London.

Joan Scammell with baby Lorna - 1942

C'est moi.
I am 70 today. Joan - my mother - was about 25 in the picture.

I do not normally acknowledge my birthday - the last time was when I was 60 and was taken up in the London Eye by my children for a fun experience. Today - I was intendimg to take a short trip out on the river - but - heavy rain and a bad forecast. So I am doing indoor things and hoping to go on the river tomorrow.

Toppers and streakers at a recent open meeting

This illustrates why the Deben Yacht Club is going to build a new ramp over the mud in September. There is no room to launch and recover more than a few boats at a time. I am not very good at getting it right and slipped off into the mud too often last year.

I had the streaker out a couple of weeks ago - and someone kindly caught me as I paddled in (no wind for once) or I would have been in the mud again. Since then we have had very strong and gusty winds and I have not been out. Nor have I been out in Lookfar.

I have been to the gym and my muscles are starting to get stronger and I am working them up to the next weight level - but still less than this time last year.

Rhoda and I at Aldbrough on Friday last.

Rhoda and Doug have now gone home. The weather was cold and horrible for most of the time but the sun flashed out for us to eat fish and chips on the beach. I managed to walk round the town and along the beach - so my range is improving. I even avoided the (very nice) shops in Aldburgh - perhaps I was too tired by I got to them.

Striding Edge in the Lake District - a metaphor

I have walked this several times - years ago. It is a metaphor for how my life feels just now. I walk in the sunny uplands rather than in the valley of the shadow - but it is often a narrow path with steep sides - and things can go wrong. It is a very beautiful, if scary, walk along the Edge to Helvellyn - so the metaphor is quite a good one.

Today I feel as if I might slip off the sunny uplands. Yesterday I was due to have a maintenance dose of Pemetrexed as usual but this was aborted becuase the blood test results for kidney function were outside the limits. Some more blood tests showed that it was not due to high blood sugar or leaching of calcium from my bones - which is a good thing. It is probably due to toxicities building up from the chemotherapy - and so I am off the drug for a couple of weeks. This has the advantage of no side-effects - but I worry about whether the 'holiday' from the chemo will allow the cancer to grow again (although I am told it won't grow in that short time!) and also whether it is knackering important organs. Fret - fret - worry - worry - all rather pointless but understandable.

So I take active steps to do stuff - a long session in the gym and now off nurture Lookfar in sunshine (for once).

A fine barge at Woodbridge quay - with Tidemill behind and mud in the foreground.

It came up the river the other day - inspite of the nasty weather. It is here for the Woodbridge regatta - whih is also a sort-of festival of boats.

a special heritage train at Woodbridge station seen from my flat.

We get all sorts here. It was powered by two massive diesal engines - and had a lot of carriages - most with posh table lamps on tables - and a lot of people. Pity it was not a steam train!

Strange to see that nearly a week has passed since my last entry. I have, of course, yet to finish the cover for the engine because it is harder to do than I thought it would be.

I have been better at doing things in the morning - I am trying to make sense of aspects of the geology of the Pyrenees and I do a bit of reading and writing every day. Interesting and enjoyable and tiring for the brain. I am also getting back to doing resistance training in the gym and have improved both the weights and my endurance. On Monday - the last meeting for a while of the U3A geology group. I also  took the car for its MOT on Wednesday - before having lunch with Aidan near the Tower of London. I went to the sailing club a few times during the week to sort out my boats, took my bike to be serviced in the hope of riding it sometime, I went to the shops and market on Thursday and had chips for lunch today. I have not put my improved mainsail back on Lookfar - the twice I have gone down to the boat to do it - it either rained or a big wind came up - so I am leaving it snug and warm inside until the weather gets better.

The snag with the week has been that I have felt like going out and doing things but I have become exhausted by the afternoon. But it is very boring just sitting around - and I have had enough of it.

The cockpit of Lookfar - not a very tidy sight.

 Chaos as I try to cut up an old jacket to make a new cover for the outboard engine. The one I had blew away in the recent high wind. I also tried to do a cover for the tiller from the smaller bits.  I mostly lazed about in the sun and drank coffee and read the paper. But I prepared myself for doing fittings.

Stratigraphy of the Pyrenees

The weather here is unmentionably awful - so although I have picked up my improved sail and have all the fittings to make Lookfar easier to handle - I have not ventured out to do the work on the boat.

Instead I have searched for material on the geology of the Pyrenees and tried to understand it. This has taken time and all my energy - I have barely heard the rain lashing the windows and have merely glanced at the tele.

Why? Rhoda is now living there and their place seems to be in a geologically interesting area ( a bit south of Tarbes - near the small N-S fault there, near the dark strip (which is metamorphic rock). I have yet to locate her place exactly on the map above). The one below shows they are near a seismic zone - their place is a bit to the south of Bagneres - where the large dots are.

Cool or what?

 You can follow Rhoda, Doug and the pigs - not to mention unwary visitors (including Aidan) at http://laviealapetiteferme.blogspot.co.uk/

The bonfire and moon seen from DYC

Yesterday evening I walked to the sailing club to eat nibbles (yummeee) and watch fireworks - set off on the other side of the river. The star of the show was the moon - rising over the trees and reflecting in the calm river. I went to bed much too late and got up late this morning. Fatigue continues - I did not race today inspite of ideal conditions (ie lots of wind).

The parade of boats along the Thames - I watched it - and tried not to listen to the commentary. Sky News was the best as it showed more boats.

The front of the parade at Chelsea - impressive

The train - fantastic.

It rained here most of the day - otherwise I would have been screwing fittings on the deck of my boat. I have experienced some fatigue from the chemo - which made staying indoors easier. I have managed to return to doing weights in the gym - for about 35 minute sessions.

Why is it raining? Is the weather telling us something?

Gloriana: rowed from Chelsea to Tower Bridge and beyond - must have been exhausting

Today - the jubilee parade on the Thames - which I will watch on the tele because I like boats. But - - how are we republicans to deal with the celebration of monachy and the gross commentary that accompanies the whole carry-on.

 It would be nice if we were celebrating something more meaningful. Perhaps the people - 'fanfare for the common man' (and woman) sort of thing. Or acknowleding events of the growth (not yet complete) of democracy in our country - such as universal voting (1928).

If we think what monachy symbolises - not a nice picture -  hierachy - privilege - unearned wealth - deference - militarism - and much more. Republicans need better symbolism - many people don't even know that this country was a republic for a while in the seventeenth century.

One corner of Fox's marina

I went to Fox's chandlery today - with a list. I actually spent more on some new thermals than I did on bits for the boats - which is a good thing as it is getting cold again.

Fox's marina is an interesting mix of massive boats with hired crews and old boats in mud moorings - just visible at the top of the picture.

 

The wonderful Tocata. I spent a happy evening aboard playing Monopoly three years ago in Brightlingsea - when I felt ill but did not know why. The capt and crew were kind to me - I do not forget.

Looking the other way - I spotted Tocata - the wooden ketch.

Lesser black backed gull nesting on a roof in Ipswich station.
A very cross looking bird - so it is good that there is a glass panel between the gull and the passengers.

Yesterday - I had lunch with Aidan by the Thames near the Tower - in sunshine like summers ought to be. I saw this gull and another one on nests on the roof of a building on Ipswich Station on the way home. I looked down on them as I crossed the bridge and had just enough energy left to take a pic.

Deben Yacht Club from Lookfar

We took Lookfar out on the river on Saturday - at high tide - so no dramas - just a nice day. A different view of DYC and the river banks.

Lookfar was launched yesterday - drove her round to the pontoon. The sun even peeped out for a short while. I have done the mooring lines and prepared her for a trip out on the river tomorrow - when I hope to get a meaningful picture to prove we are back in business. Feeling less fatigued as the effects of the chemotherapy fade.

What I was trying to say yesterday is that there is some sort of paradox in the way I feel emotionally. As I get more able to do things - instead of feeling more optimistic - I feel more gloom - more anger - more despair.
Not so bad today (yet) - although I did want to gnash my teeth when I was out this morning.

Suffolk Punch horses in Woodbridge

Something different - and a magnificent contrast to normal vehicles (and boats) in Woodbridge .

Last week was difficult. I was more active than anticipated, so I thought I should be OK. But I have struggled to keep going in a positive sort of way and have not written to anyone. Side effects and the weather. Let us hope that next week works better.

Deck of Lookfar. The black lines are where I have decided to put new lines. The picture was taken at launch in 2011..

Lookfar is now next to the workshop in the marina, ready to be cleaned and have the anti-fouling done.  I was much cheered to see her there this morning, which has inspired me to figure out how to lead some of the lines back to the cockpit. The black lines show where the halliards will go from the bottom of the mast.

It was a bit tricky for two reasons. One is that I have some deck gear that I thought I might use but have not seen a way to fit it as it came from a much larger boat. The other is that there are some high points on the deck. But I have found some nice new gear (££££ obviously) which will fit easily. The cleats are represented by circles in the picture.

This means that I will be able to let the main sail down quickly as I approach moorings or the marina. All very encouraging.

52 Degrees North  - Bawdsey and the mouth f the Deben

The side effect of  fatigue suddenly kicked in on Thursday afternoon - fortunately after I had done some  shopping. I have felt zapped since but not as bad as on the three previous occasions. So on Friday I dozed infront of the tele and watched the election results and the very curious (ie wrong) commentary from the pundits - but did not get angry.

Aidan was here on Saturday and he drove to Bawdsey - it was high tide and there were intrepid trainee sailors spread out as far as the West Knoll bouy. It is very refreshing to see the sea - and to feel the wind. I walked a few meters along the beach amongst the cabbages and watched the waves pile onto the beach and the tide change.
Today - temperature was 6 degrees C. at mid  morning. I promised not to moan about the weather - but - - - . A bit more zapped today but I did go out for a coffee and newspaper  - so am not housebound.

Chemotherapy: Yesterday I was in the Day Unit in Ipswich hospital for (I hope) the last lot of the current chemo. I got there at 8-50 and left at 18-00 hrs. Typically - it was sunny all day whilst I was indoors - when I left - it clouded over and rained. The length of stay sounds worse than it was - I was not bored for very long - read the Guardian and looked at pictures of boats - and the chandlery catalogue.

I expect to feel OK for a couple of days - and then anticipate side-effects - especially fatigue - but not as bad as previously. At least there are some political sillies to watch on the tele.

The weather seems especially important - but it looks like cloud and rain into the future and I wonder whether I should stop looking out for the sun to shine - and then stop grumbling about it.

Not a speed limit sign but something much more irritating

An annoying week - for example - when you are 70 you have to renew your driving licence. I find this unnecessary and disrupting. And the process is irritating because on-line application is filled with gotchas of various kinds and I finished up using a paper form. At least there is no charge - - .
And where has all the time gone since I passed my test aged 18?

Iris May - August 2006 in Alnmouth. Bring back yesterday - -

Iris May -my old (and favourite boat) is advertised on Apollo Duck.
 http://www.apolloduck.com/display.phtml?aid=225342

If I had the energy and the money - it would speak to me again - - - - .

Swallows are back -

There is an established nest in the sheltered part of the balcony at the sailing club. They do not yet seem to be improving and occupying it.

Watched racing there today - one squall came through with a hail storm - so those of us ashore congratulated ourselves at being under cover.

Turnstones - next to the shelter along the river at high tide

Nothing much has happened this week - except that the fatigue has lifted. I still get tired and my muscles are out of condition, so I am walking short distances along the river and take every opportunity to stop to admire birds and boats. It has been too cold - but a small amount of sun entices me out anyway. I am also doing resistance training for a short time every day in the gym - to improve the muscles.

Visualisation of the ups and downs

Blue line - a calculation of how I am each day. Black line - 8 day moving average. Shown here to illustrate the ups and downs - and that they follow the chemo regime - with downs after each chemo session. I am hoping for a step up over the next couple of weeks.

I have felt pretty zonked-out all week - fatigue and general feebleness. I even stayed in all day for a couple of days. Today - the 11th after the chemo - the optimistic view is that it gets better hereafter.
A pity not to be able to illustrate this with a picture - but cannot think of a suitable one.

Laser 166650 for sale (1999) - XD controls,  new spars and radial sail.

This is not really an advert as such - unless you want to buy it of course. It is on Appollo Duck  at http://www.apolloduck.co.uk/display.phtml?aid=243885
This sounds energetic but actually I have been hit again by fatigue. The pattern seems to be a few days clear of it after the chemo then the killer chemicals then do their thing and fatigue sets in for a week or so. The good news here is that it is not as bad as it was and I am able to go out for lunch - and to put the advert for the boat on the sailing club notice board. I am also doing some epic sleeping. However - I feel shakey and a little sorry for myself.

Not helped by horrible weather - no sun and a biting northerly wind - and heavy rain forecast. I felt for all the boats coming up the river yesterday for a few days of holiday over Easter. They all retreated on the high tide today.

Lookfar - the mast and slot for the sail. And the edge of the marina across to yet another boatyard.

Wednesday: I had enough energy, after sausage and chips at lunchtime, to put in hand another change to the boat. This should make sail handling a lot easier. The idea is to install modern sliders to replace the bolt of rope that holds the sail in the track. The rope makes it hard to get up and harder to drop in a hurry. So I got some tracks from the sailmaker and figured out which to use. I then folded the sail and carried it to the sail loft (just down the road) - so the work is now in hand. The main snag appears to be that there is not (yet) a suitable fitting in the small  section of the mast where the sliders are fed in. Another task is to find one - hopefully without going to the chandler's (where I always spend more money than intended, even if I have a list!). So today I walked to the boat again in order to take a measurement and some pictures.

And from this you can see that I continue to get more active - and the change to sail handling is a statement about being up for it in the summer.

I have had some pleasant days - mostly in sunshine - since my last post. I did the usual things - ate out and walked along the river bank and watched the tide come in. I have also been to the shops (a big luxury if you have not been able to get to them much for a long time) and visited the marina and the boat. I have even sorted out getting the hull polished and the anti-fouling done by the boat yard, before launch in early May. This a statement of intent to potter around in the boat - in the sunshine - in the summer.

Black headed gull sitting on a life bouy. Most of the gulls around just now seem to be juvaniles - maybe the grown ups have gone off to lay eggs etc. 

Today - third lot of chemotherapy. This time it was in the Day Unit - which was much nicer as I was not in overnight - although it was a long process from about 8-45 to 17-30. I went with a lot of survival gear - magazines, newspapers, iced water and some food. I got a comfy chair next to the tea machine. I am not surprised that one gets side effects- for the chemicals themselves are fierce - and one also takes supportive medication for a few days.  I expect to feel OK tomorrow and then get fatigue for a week or so. Intend to sit it out - and avoid the rain. So I may even write emails but try to keep off the subject of symptoms and medical stuff.

The back of the dinghy park - with the work party fettling the five Wayfarers recently aquired by the club.

What happens when I overdo it: On Tuesday - nice day and I felt an upsurge of energy. So - off to the gym for half an hour to improve muscles. Then the the sailing club for coffee and too much talking and walking around. Then I had lunch at home and walked up to the main shopping road to the bank and to have an iced tea in Costas. The result - I felt ill when I got home - as if I had flu. At least I went to bed early and slept for 12 hours.

So I won't be doing that again for a while. Today - coffe out in the sun - brief walk to marina - lunch out in the sun and then a lot more sitting in the sun along the river bank.

The start of the sailing season

On Sunday I made it to the sailing club to watch the first races of the season and to eat 'brunch' - mostly in sunshine. I also checked over my streaker and found it has survived the winter very well. Progress slightly slowed by overdoing it.

Various boats at the quay, Woodbridge

New and old boats moored at the quay - a few are lived on all the time, many are undergoing renovation and some are lived on intermittantly. More activity there since the sun came out.

Still far to go - - - but yesterday I managed to walk to the sailing club for a coffee with the work party and a quick look at my Streaker. This confirmed gradual improvement in my energy levels. I have started back at the gym - doing resistance training with the lightest weights - my muscle tone has deteriorated a lot. The picture was taken from the top of the railway crossing, showing I can get up the steps.